AI and the Myth of Human Creativity

Picture of the portrait of the Duke and Duchess of Urbino by Piero della Francesca, Uffizi Gallery, Florence. Source: me.

Down with all kings but King Ludd*

I have come to bury human creativity not to praise it.

My thoughts today are not with those employed in creative industries, but that army of creative people toiling away at what they love to do in the solitude of their own homes. I might get to the former another day.

Gen AI has launched a grenade into artistic circles and the lamentations have begun; an outpouring of opprobrium on the inauthenticity of the outputs. It makes nothing new, the critics cry, it can only plagiarise what has gone before. The end of the world is nigh.

And then we all laugh because the machines don’t understand hands, or how many legs someone should have.

Everything we do is derived from something else

All true. But imitation also true of the majority of human artistic endeavour. Once in a generation we might get a genius, a Mozart or a Miami Sound Machine, that pushes art to a new level. If we get more than one it elevates the moment in history into a golden age. Everything else is derived, a pastiche, an homage when we admit we are doing it.

Most of what we produce is distinguished only by going to the effort of producing it. I count myself among the writers. The subtle difference between me and a non-writer is that I have extruded the wires of imagination and exploration into a basket of words on a page. I can’t claim to have advanced the human condition any more than infinitesimally, and certainly no more than any other writer had you chanced upon their work instead of mine.

Of course, I think I have the great [pick an identity] novel within me. I am spurred on by the belief that one day the stars will align and I will find that ecstatic link between brain and fingers, the perfect synchronicity of lungs and viscera that will deliver a draft of it onto the page.

Whether that moment arrives in my allotted span, who knows?

In the meantime, like every other artist out there, I weave together the sum total of my experiences, what I have read, what I have heard, my preferences, the what-ifs I am willing to ask myself and graft. Have I ever broken free of the seven basic plotlines? I doubt it. So too the painters following a style or school, the musicians starting out with the standards of their favourite bands before re-ordering the limited range of chords the human ear can hear. Ed Sheeran proved that in court. Don’t get me started on the internet poets and their tortured prose with added line breaks, there are no new thoughts there (they tell you in their bio they are a poet because how else would you know).

Let’s not call it copying, that sounds bad, instead let’s call it honouring what has gone before with imitation. You know the quote:

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery that mediocrity can pay to greatness (Oscar Wilde)

Sound and fury, signifying nothing

What happens to all that output? Mostly nothing. Speaking for the writers, the acceptance rates of most publishers are one in a hundred. Much of that is free, or paid a small honorarium, in tiny journals that sustain themselves with a few thousand readers and then die. God bless those beautiful souls who launch them. The stories will lapse into obscurity and the best we can hope for is that they will be discovered by grandchildren in a dusty attic one day.

AI will improve. Like any dedicated art student, it will learn to do hands. All the time my fellows and I stare at a blank page, nursing that combination of expectation and despair, some scoundrel will have thrown half a dozen prompts into a tool and generated a pile of perfectly readable fare. As slush readers and editors drown under the weight of these unearned stories, these manufactured works, the competition for the precious few paying berths will intensify, and that most valuable resource for all of us – the audience -will be presented with an array of what appear to be substitutes.

So what?

If the audience are served, does it matter how?

Perhaps not. You pays your money and you takes your choice. This is the irrefutable logic of the market. Caveat emptor and all that.

Except most of the writers I know are not in it for the money. Apart from a tiny fraction at the top of the bestseller lists there just isn’t enough in it. We all have jobs or have retired from a lifetime of wage slavery. It’s this fact that unlocks the reason why this all matters.

Price or value?

AI may bring economic efficiency to the production of creative stuff. Hours sweating over what would be humdrum anyway replaced by a few keystrokes and all that human time available to drive an Uber instead. Progress.

But this is not a game of quantity and cost. However much I might aspire to be Ondaatje, somewhere in what I write is a sliver of me, my experience, my reaction to the world. We make art for the chance, however slim, to affect someone else with what has affected us. Whether that is a smile, a tear or just minutes of pleasurable distraction from everything else in their world while they visit ours.

Making art is a narcotic. There is a joyful exhaustion that comes with laying down a first draft. The knowledge that the bones of what will become a story are present, there is something to hone and craft. Closing the file on something ready to share with the world is a sense of fulfilment. Getting an acceptance after a dozen rejections is a pure high – another human being has seen something of value in what we have made. A review or just some positive feedback is a shot of adrenalin.

Very rarely does it pay the bills.

Death of Chatterton by Henry Wallis

We are nothing if not connected

We make things and share them with others because it is how we connect with the rest of the species. It is bound up in our DNA. Around those early campfires of our ancestors were the storytellers, spinning the tales of our shared humanity, the things we value, the limits we accept. Accompanied by a hide drum. Recorded with lines drawn on a cave wall.

In time the reader may not be able to tell if the words they read, the painting they view, the music they listen to are made by hand or machine. Individually they may not care, but collectively they should. One is the product of genuine human experience, atomistic, populated with diverging perspectives, outliers and outsiders. The other is an agglomeration of shadows, a vast exercise of averaging in which the individual is lost. Without people at the heart of creation the world will be a greyer, desaturated place. Like the transition from analog to digital AI generated art will sacrifice depth and richness on the altar of efficiency. We will lose another part of what binds us.

Economists call this sort of intangible benefit, this thing that sits above the commerce of product and price, an externality. Markets are notoriously bad at dealing with them. It takes societies, and the governments that represent them to put a marker down and say: this matters too.

And what if, in an age of oversupply of things poured out of the GPTs, the next toddler Mozart does not run their sticky fingers over a piano keyboard, or sketches of the next Raphael, with all too few years among us, are buried under prompt generated fabrications?

AI will improve, I have no doubt. It may well outstrip the massed ranks of scribblers, daubers and buskers on some measures of quality. But it does not itself live, feel and express. In the end, its product is just that – a product. It is not real. Without the artist, without the toil, without the desire we risk being left flailing around in a world of ersatz emotions and synthetic understanding.

Untamed, AI will leave us diminished.

End

*Song for the Luddites, Lord Byron

I’ve not credited the Shakespeare quotes and borrowings, if you’re here you’ll recognise them.

Head over to my author page to see what else I have written

Publication Announcement – Tombstones to the Wind

Photo by Narcisa Aciko on Pexels.com

My short story Tombstones to the Wind is in the winter issue of The Sprawl Mag. Check it out here:

https://www.thesprawlmag.ca/vol-2-1

It is a brief moment in the lives of three generations of a family living in the aftermath of environmental collapse.

END

Head over to my author page to see what else I have written

Silent Running – the story behind the story

The Concept

Sometime in 2014 I had my first experience with an anechoic chamber. This is a room with surfaces that are designed to stop the reflection of sound and electromagnetic waves. What you feel when you walk in is a deadness, no timbre or resonance when you talk. I didn’t stay long and my hosts did not close the door. Apparently, it is disturbing to be in there too long. 

That got me thinking: what if you had the opposite? What if there was a room in which you heard everything; every sound, every signal. And if you could then eliminate the things you know about and understand, the noise that fills our senses, what would you be left with? In that moment was born the Echo Chamber, the piece of tech that sits at the heart of Silent Running. 

Hear everything, silence what you control, listen to the secrets of creation.

The Setting

I had the universe of the Lethe Cluster already formed. It appeared in story form with that title in a competition entry to the annual NYCMM short story competition for 2012 and go me through the first round of the competition with confidence-boosting feedback. You can read that story in “Image and Other Stories“. I’ve also noodled around that universe on this blog, under the broad heading of Cluster Wars.

The potential of tech that hears everything, and a region of space that defies intrusion combined to give me Silent Running. The characters and the broad arc of the story came together relatively quickly after that. Early versions of the eventual novella were rejected and hindsight says rightly so. I took it through my beloved beta readers and the text came back covered in suggestions and corrections. I cannot thank them enough. Hours of their precious time were spent sharpening my prose, tightening the story and holding up a mirror to where I had been lazy or just plain wrong.

The Process

That process, painful as it was, got me most of the way to this version. It still needed tinkering and getting to the point where I was happy with it, but there was something that still felt incomplete. It took dinner with one of my writing group to set the seal on this story. He was visiting the UK and we managed to find a few hours one evening to devote to good food and an absurd range of topics. Corporate governance, religion, astrophysics, quantum physics, and more. It gave me a combination of context and confidence. There was a way to bring the science in the story together with what I was developing in the broader Lethe Cluster universe, the way I wanted space travel to work and how this linked to faith, commerce and politics. 

The Result

Shadows of all of that are in Silent Running. Faith and science feature heavily. There are three strong female characters at the heart of the story, each bringing something potent to the plot. Silent Running stands on its own (it may spawn a sequel) and it will now fit seamlessly into the universe I have imagined. That will take a five-volume space opera to explore fully. I hope you enjoy this taster of the stories to come.

My thanks to my crew, they know who they are and how their efforts got me here, nine years after the idea first popped. Thanks also to Mike at Lost Colony Magazine for the gentle editing and publication that has brought this story to the world. Head over there to read the preview and pick up a copy. Nine years have gone into a 90 minute read. I hope you think it is worth it. 

END

Head over to my author page to see what else I have written

Coming Soon – Silent Running

Bubbling with excitement, at my age you’d think I’d know better.

My second novella “Silent Running” will be coming out July 25th. This one is hard sci-fi, built around three strong female characters and their interweaving intentions. Head over to Lost Colony Magazine to read the preview and pre-order your copy.

PREVIEW – Silent Running – Lost Colony (lostcolonymagazine.com)

It is set in my Cluster Wars universe which some of you will know from my short story “The Lethe Cluster” and bits and bobs around this blog. More on this to come…

An Autobiography, Almost

Write what you know. And what do you know better than your own stories? (We’ll park the question of my notoriously poor memory.)

Published today at Piker Press, “Calculus, Charlotte and the Breaking of Waves” is at its heart a true story. Except the bits that have been inserted because I just can’t recall across the span of thirty years. And except for the barest little flush of magic. In fact, it is hardly magic at all, merely interpreting two things that were coincident, possibly correlated, into being causally related. Isn’t that what magic is? Reasons overriding reason.

For what its worth, this much is unequivocally true: I did visit family on Grand Cayman at the age of 16, their condo was right by the beach where the water was dominated by the wreck of the Gamma, and there was a gazebo where I would attempt to study. It was also the winter in which I finally cracked Calculus. As for the rest, you decide where to suspend your disbelief.

It’s not the first time I have used the formula: true recollection, judicious addition where age and uncertainty have left a fog, and a pinch of fairy dust. The first story I sold, and which has recently been reprinted is a case in point. The good people at (the now closed) Mad Scientist Journal first bought “An Absolute Amount of Sadness” in 2016 and Flame Tree found something resonant in it this year.

Varying the quantities affects the outcome. Perhaps my favourite of my published stories is “The Book of Condolence”, a collage of unrelated truths stitched together with pure invention. Dark House books picked up that one for “What We Talk About When We Talk About It”.

And now I think of it there is some central truth, some seed of reality in every story I have written, no matter how fantastical. The Girl Who Gives Me Sunsets (my favourite title of one of my stories) is a nickname for a dear friend, who coincidentally provided the Spice Girls facts that are the musical  motif of the story.

It could be as subtle as a turn of phrase, a symbol drawn in biro on skin, or the garage where I had my car repaired, there is always a kernel of truth, a part of me. In Calculus, Charlotte and the Breaking of Waves I am more present than in any of the others, but I am somewhere in all of them.

It leaves me wondering if it is possible to completely absent yourself from what you create.

While you ponder the answer, Calculus, Charlotte and the Breaking of Waves is this week’s featured story over at Piker Press and will be available at this link thereafter. Or follow the trail of links above to find other anthologies with my stories.

END

Hope, Hubris and Horror

(or how businesses really make decisions)

The City of London seen from the South Bank

Businesses make huge decisions every day. There are billions at stake, overseen by executives on eye-watering salaries. You might well assume that these calls that can change the course of lives are based on rigorous analysis and copper-bottomed due diligence.

I’ve ranted before about myths in the corporate world. This is another.

Routine decisions will pass or fail based on hurdle rates and payback periods. NPV and peak cash do matter. Until they don’t. For the big things: which businesses to buy, which products to launch, these decisions are made based on the three H’s – Hope, Hubris and Horror.

Hope

No one actually knows what they are doing. Everything decision is a best guess, a stack of assumptions any one of which could doom an idea if proven wrong, or by pure chance take over a market.

This is the business of belief, of backing an idea. A coin toss between the visionary and the lunatic. And no one thinks they are mad, least of all the C-suiters.

Somewhere behind the executive, hidden in the shadows is a numbers geek. You don’t see them often, they emerge blinking from the basement at the office Christmas party and they’re the ones left dancing when the sales team are in a drunken brawl and marketing have gone off to some cooler venue.

Not quite the pasty-faced shoe-gazers of audit but their close cousins. Management accountants, financial analysts, or commercial finance. They go by different names. Most are strictly linear: add this, multiply that, apply a rule and there’s your answer. Every now and then one of them is a storyteller, and they can take any set of numbers, any set of assumptions and tell you any tale you want. They are the purveyors of corporate dreams, or when the need arises nightmares. They know every forecast is a fantasy, it will never come exactly true, in the moment it just needs to be credible.

The smartest question any C-Suiter ever asked me was – “what do I need to believe for this to cost in?” That we’ll double customer ARPU… probably not. That we’ll improve customer retention by 2%… I’ll buy it.

But no one knows. It is a world of uncertainty. They hope the new product is better, that competitors are slow to respond, that the marketing will cut through. And the analyst is there, teasing out those thread-like hopes and weaving a story: if we only do this, if we can just do that, the dragon’s hoard of shareholder value will be ours.

And it is believed because the person in charge so wants it to be true.

Hubris

It’s a short journey from believer to sociopath. It just takes a little extraction of empathy and a swig of your own personal Kool-Aid. These execs are smarter than the opposition, they can develop a better product or give a better experience than the others. If the numbers say their idea stinks then the numbers must be wrong.

Any foolhardy non-believers that voice their doubts are burnt at the corporate stake, discarded or dismissed. And we do have a penchant for being led by those who seem to know where they are going.

In this world of uncertainty, the autocrat knows. The narcissism runs deep. Once in a while the cards fall in their favour and they’re hailed as a genius. Not that they need the validation.

Of course, for every chance winner, there is a phalanx of losers. 

For those with a classical mindset, I’m sorry. Sophocles has left the building and Nemesis has decided she quite likes the tropical summers and skiing winters. When the idea fails, when the transaction is a dud there is no retribution, they bear no consequences. The culprit cashes in their share options and swans off to another role in another corporate skyscraper fuelled with the knowledge that whatever happened was not their fault.

Consequences are only ever borne by those who can’t afford them.

Horror

Do you play Scrabble? Sometimes you need to place a low scoring three letter kindergarten blurt to cover off the triple word score and stop your opponent from running away with the game. You’re not there to achieve the highest possible combined score, you’re there to win. It’s the same idea in Monopoly, spoiling someone else’s set.

Business is no different. This is not an economist’s utopian dream of welfare maximisation. It is about your shareholders and the next quarter’s results. Doing better than the other guy is sometimes the only measure of success.

So you don’t buy the plucky start-up because of synergies, you buy it so that no one else can have it and make something of it. Even if the competition authorities prevent you from integrating the businesses. Even if you have no idea how to make money from it. The point is your competitor might do those things and you can’t afford for them to do better than you.

And then there is the saving grace of every business case. The entirely unprovable: if we don’t do this something bad will happen. At one of my employers we called it “avoided decrementality” and maybe there was a truth buried in there. For example, if we don’t spend millions on marketing our customers will leave. Will they, will they really? Ask for proof and be pushed from the roof. 

It is the do nothing and die story, so you have to do something, to be seen to do something to justify the salary. So, why not this?

Of course, in the grip of hope, hubris or horror you can’t tell people that is why you’re doing the deal. And if you’ve put enough of that Kool-Aid in the water cooler some people might believe in honed instincts and razor-sharp insight. But the numbers still need to stack up, so you call on the financial storytellers in the basement, those hawkers of fudge factors and hard-coded cells and there it is: Deus Ex Spreadsheet. With a wave of a mouse the pumpkin turns into a carriage and there are cost savings and cross-selling opportunities. The deal makes sense the purchase should go ahead.

That’s how businesses really make the big decisions. For the small stuff, the things that matter to the people who work there: a new kettle in the third-floor kitchen, or the constant buzzing from the battery room that’s driving the team insane? I’m sorry, the spreadsheet says no.

Everything else is a dice roll with a madman in a casino where not even the house knows the rules. The stakes are lives and livelihoods but never their own.

I was going to stop there, but there is one person to whom I am doing a disservice. Where is the CFO in all this?

If they’re canny, and many of them are, they are playing both sides. They can’t challenge the faith of the marketeers or the self-belief of the boss. They are as prone to horror as the rest.

But if they are in the big seat they will have done the basement job. They know the game. The best ones I worked with could sniff out the one bad number in a lever-arch file of analysis and reports. So for every fantasy fuelled, for every foundation laid in the temple of CEO self-congratulation, there will be a cost-saving, a challenge, a little bit of grit in the dewy eye. I believe as well, they say and that’s why your SAC costs can come down next year, let’s build that into the budget. I’m backing your genius boss, so let’s tell investors free cashflow will improve after the integration of the new business.

It is a subtle shifting of the blame, assigning accountability elsewhere, leaving yourself a way out. It doesn’t always work and one day they’ll run out of road. Sometimes spectacularly, sometimes in jail, but you don’t hear it quite so often.

So I’ll end not on that cry of camaraderie with the common worker but with a warning. Beware the storytellers. They might never be the hero of the story, but they are rarely the victim either.

END

Publication Announcement – The Hornbill and the Lame Horse

This one has been available in Kindle format for a while but it took a bit longer to get the paperback ready.

I’m hoping it is an oddity you will enjoy. The brief from Phoebe, the publisher, was a creature-themed fairy tale punking. With me so far? Well, I decided to take things a bit further by making mine a mash-up of two traditional Sumatran tales.

The source material was from this wonderful book:

My original idea was to atompunk The Magic Crocodile and I might still write that one day. But the concept was not really coming together so I moved on to the story of An Honest Man – a good solid core to build on but it lacked an emotional punch. The Green Princess had that in abundance. From there, well you’ll have to read it to find out.

Let me know if you’ve ever read another punked Indonesian folk tale, I’m hoping mine is the first but definitely not the last.

Looking ahead, the lovely people at Flame Tree have agreed to reprint my story An Absolute Amount of Sadness in their immigrant sci-fi anthology. You can check out the author list on their blog. Regulars may recognise the title, it first appeared in Fitting In by Mad Scientist Journal (sadly no longer with us). They also published “The Girl Who Gives Me Sunsets” in Utter Fabrication, which remains my favourite title from one of my stories. Look out for that and a new novella in 2023

End

Find out more about my writing here.

Circumstances Are Temporary, Class Is Permanent

On Class, Social Mobility and Absurd Ancestors

My mother was born in a palace, the daughter of a family of wealth and influence. On coming to London she first worked in a factory. When I was born she was sewing for piece rates to make ends meet.

So when my daughter asked me what class we are I didn’t have a ready answer of plebian or patrician. Not having a ready answer turned out to be the right one, the question merited some thought.

The current method of measuring social mobility is based on the work of Goldthorpe in the 1970s. Originally it asked for your occupation in midlife and compared it to that of your father. Fifty years on the question has been adapted to ask what profession the main breadwinner in the household had when the respondent was aged 14. The seven categories are allocated to three broad ranges, the Salariat at the top, then Intermediate Classes and finally Working Classes.

When I was 14 my mother had a clerical job in a bank; routine work that put her squarely in the Working Class. The methodology does not ask if you were born in a palace. For me, my mother’s aristocratic heritage was just a rich source of stories. The reality was that our financial situation was precarious and there was no option other than hard work. Working Class it is, maybe.

Even without her history we didn’t fall easily into working class tropes. Although we lived in a terraced house, it was in a leafy London suburb and not a grim industrial town. When I was 14 my brother was studying at the LSE and I attended an eye-wateringly expensive school with my fees paid by the government, scholarships and bursaries. Education is the traditional lever for social mobility and we had pulled firmly on it.

By the way, if you want to give a poor kid some complex hang ups about wealth, privilege and entitlement, then send them to a rich kids’ school. Some of that may bleed into the rest of what you read here.

Both my parents were university graduates. My father’s very early death leaves unanswered what career heights he might have scaled. In Pakistan he worked for the Pakistan Economist, and as a younger man he had worked in the telegraph office because his English was good. At the time of his death he was an internal accountant for a firm of solicitors. His short life doesn’t give many clues but he clearly turned his hand to anything requiring literacy and numeracy. Without a family leg up I’d still back him to have free climbed his way up the social strata. His own father was apprenticed to a tailor when an illness wiped out most of the breadwinners in the family. Before that the trail goes cold.

It all seems to me to point to a place on the Working Class starting line, but with senses trained on the gun to race for a more comfortable economic destination.

Climbing the ladder

But what of my children? Both have crossed the threshold of 14 and in answering the social mobility question would put me in the Salariat; a senior management job gives me the hallmarks of Middle Class.

I’ll take that as long as they remember the path it took to get there: their grandmother sewing night and day while their father gurgled at her feet.

It all sounds very romantic and rags to riches, a salutary tale of hard work and good education being the foundation for progress; fuel for the myth of meritocracy. Well, perhaps not so much of a myth. A study by the LSE and UCL, reported by the BBC, concluded that social mobility was “the norm and not the exception” as 48% of people rose up the ladder from their parents’ position, compared with 31% who slid down. The social mobility game seems to have fewer snakes than ladders.

As ever things are not that simple.

Gregory Clark’s work has found that class is persistent for families. Individuals may break the glass ceiling or crash through it, but over the course of generations, certain privileges persist. He estimates that it takes ten to fifteen generations for familial wealth or poverty to dissipate. The New Republic notes his observation:

“…if you live in England and share a last name with a Norman conqueror listed in the Domesday book of 1086—think Sinclair, Percy, Beauchamp—you have a 25 percent higher chance of matriculating at Oxford or Cambridge.”

Clark, G The Son Also Rises

Something about the study sits uncomfortably with me. I’d like to believe that every person is a well of untapped potential waiting to be realised if only given the right opportunities and guidance. With my less dewy-eyed, more analytical hat on I can reconcile Clark’s observation with the UCL/LSE stats.

The Dyer lemma

Let’s start with Danny Dyer, a British actor. On “Who Do You Think You Are?” a TV show that traces the roots of famous people, we learned that he is a descendent of King Edward III (1312-1377). His reaction and the juxtaposition with the hard man, rough edged, cockney persona he projects (it may all be real) made for great TV.

A little bit of back-of-an-envelope calcuation tells me that in principle half the population of the United Kingdom could share the same heritage. Perhaps there is more to the saying that “an Englishman’s home is his castle” than we first thought.

The Dyer Lemma* provides the reconciling point we’re looking for. Even without the disruption of wars, rebellions, treachery and infidelity, it would only take a few generations for the second sons of second sons to be mixing it up with the rest of us. Clark’s observation that a core retain their status over several hundred years does not invalidate their cousins joining the ebb and flow of social mobility. Indeed, for a time they will over-contribute to the downward cadre as for them it is the only possible direction of travel. For all the Sinclairs, Percys and Beauchamps attending Oxbridge, there is a plethora of them who didn’t.

Even on Jacob’s Ladder some of the angels were going down not up. And though Jacob’s seed may indeed have “spread abroad to the west, and to the east, and to the north, and to the south”, very few were prophets.**

Goldthorpe’s original work on social mobility was limited in two important ways, which I believe he acknowledged – it did not account for the role of women in the workforce or of migrants. While the new mode of posing the original question “what was the profession of the main breadwinner…” leans towards gender neutrality it can still fall awkwardly in the career breaks many women experience and it misses the driving purpose of migrants uprooting themselves to change their stars.

My mother, woman and migrant, makes the traditional method of measurement next to useless in my case. Her story, while it is not unique, is both tragic and inspiring. It is also a reasonable case study for a three-generation model of the migrant experience.

From riches to rags

My parents had been married for just over seven years when my father passed away. Having worked in a factory, at a dry cleaner’s, and for a greengrocer, my mother had by that time acquired a large metal-framed Singer sewing machine. It dominated the dining room of our house. That room included a sofa bed which would be unfurled at night for her to sleep on. The rest of the house was rented out to lodgers. Her income from rent, that sewing machine, and her younger brother’s part-time jobs between his studies, formed the basis of our early survival.

There are two paths to financial security for the migrant, both involve dedication and hard work. Some have the acumen and appetite for risk to trade their way out of poverty. That wasn’t us. The other route is to study your way into the ranks of the doctors, lawyers and savants, out of the labouring classes.

For my mother, her straitened circumstances were a blip, a cruel hand dealt by fate but she still held the aces of diligence and frugality. Traditional, white-collar professions for her sons would provide enough money not to have to worry about money, and the linked but distinct goals of respect and respectability. Quality schooling and reputable universities were all part of that equation.

Her own family were Prufrocks to the Hamlets of the Kingdom of Avadh. The founders of our Indian dynasty were scholars and clerics at the royal court. The mahal, where my mother was born, literally means palace. It is in fact more of a grand country home, let’s call it a modest chateau. It is fronted by an Imambargah, a chapel will do as a translation for our purposes. The significance of the Imambargah is that it has two minarets. In this it is rare, possibly unique. The royal buildings of Avadh had four minarets, and during the British Empire Avadh’s kings had little else to do with their wealth than stand up grand buildings. Private buildings were only allowed one minaret. Our two were a mark of special royal favour. The gates to the mahal have recently been replaced. They feature the double fish emblem of Avadh, as the original gates did, another mark of royal favour.

New mahal gates

One of my ancestors was personal tutor to the children of an Avadh princess. The story goes that the British stirred up the soldiers in the princess’s palace to mutiny. My ancestor was in the bath. Hearing the ruckus he came out dressed only in a towel and faced the mutineers. He issued such a stern reprimand that they went sheepishly back to their posts.

My own grandfather reprised this act of courage, facing down a mob to save the life of a Hindu man in the Lalukhayt district of Karachi.

These snippets of history I got from my mother. In an unwitting precursor to Gregory Clark, she would tell me that our family had enough wealth to last for “saat pusht” seven generations but frittered it away in two. She saw first-hand the last vestiges of her family’s grandeur, and the hardship of migration first to Pakistan and then to the UK. It forged her character – diligence and frugality, dedication and hard work; wealth was a curse that led to laziness and indolence.

The goals were simple enough – security, respect, respectability.

What is respectable?

My first proper job baffled her. I was on the graduate training scheme at Ford, while my college mates were either doing crazy hours for silly money at Investment Banks, or duly, dully enrolled on training contracts for the big professional services firms.

Love for my friends aside, I still firmly believe that the audit profession is a full employment racket for the mediocre Middle Classes. It would have been the end of me and, while I eventually became an accountant by mistake, I count myself fortunate never to have endured life as an auditor. On the flip side this essentially meaningless activity is a predictable path into the Middle Class for those who aspire to it. Swings, roundabouts.

Guessing how much you can sell a car for in five years time (my last job at Ford) was still a bit too close to the actual act of manual labour for mum. She embraced that willingly for herself, she wanted something else for my brother and me. It wasn’t until I moved into one of the big consulting firms that she was reconciled to my “career” path, albeit briefly as I veered off again soon after.

I could have achieved the security objective as a plumber, I think I was better suited to it to be honest, but that respectability thing is a kicker.

That’s a neat encapsulation of the first two steps in the three-generation model. The first generation sublimates its own desires and comfort in the quest to set a platform for its children, a base from which they can power forward. The second generation follows in its wake, witness to what has been expended for its sake. Fitter, happier, more productive than its predecessor but ultimately slave to the same imperatives.

Third time’s the charm

The third generation, well this is where it gets interesting. The struggle to survive of the first generation is now a story, the history of the grandparents. The third generation lacks direct experience of those times, and the deeply ingrained philosophy of “get yourself a job first”.

Of course, most will follow in their parent’s footsteps, a small nudge up or down the place on the ladder that has been secured for them. Some will break out. Leaning on their financial security and their freedom from the schema instilled in their parents they strike a different path. They can take risks that might be incomprehensible to their grandparents, and make choices that will either be resented or revelled in by their parents.

The third is the generation of artists and musicians, the early blooming authors and aspiring sports stars. Of those that try, most will join the long tail of those who almost or never make it. The point is that they get the chance to try.

Those generations of my maternal ancestors who let generational wealth slip through their fingers were all well educated polyglots, university gold medals abounded. Their favoured pastime was writing verse in Persian and the higher variants of Urdu, and they were good at it – publishing books and occupying the pages of highfalutin journals. It wasn’t just a male pursuit, the women of the house were at it too, for reasons of modesty publishing anonymously. The problem was that no one was professionally managing the estates, investing the returns or handling expenditure like an adult. They were notoriously naïve, easily cheated and swindled.

The periodicity of the phases was longer in their time, leaning into the centuries Clark estimates, but the model stands for them too as medieval migrants with the Mughals – achieve security, embed it, leverage it, or in this case: spend it.

I find myself admiring those profligate ancestors. My brother, for reasons too complex to go into here, is custodian of a set of family treasures – decoupe art one of our forebears made. The pieces are delicate and really beautiful. Apparently as the family sat around in the mahal swapping verses and literary jokes he would join in and at the same time be snipping away with his scissors and these bits of paper ephemera would appear.

No photo description available.
Part of the collection of decoupe art

Yes, they had a life of extraordinary privilege, and yes of course they should have husbanded that wealth better. Nonetheless if all you can do with inherited wealth is curate it, then it is a prison. Life is a game of chance and cycles. Some generations have no choice but to build, to make a sacrifice. What’s the point if the drudgery continues through the ages?

And someone has to be the fall guy, to serve as a lesson that wealth, whether it takes a generation or ten, ultimately disappears.

There was a glorious, absurd, illogical stand my ancestors once took, refusing the money they were offered by the British for the land on which Lucknow railway station was built. The British were usurpers, their money was tainted. It was economic suicide; a genuinely beautiful sticking to principle and utterly magnificent act of stupidity. I never met them, I love them for both. Living in London I can rise above the irony and say we were never collaborators.

The gravity of their gesture lived on. My grandfather could have spared his family great hardship, spared me as a direct consequence, had he taken up property he was entitled to in Pakistan. He turned it down as others were homeless and adrift in their new homeland. By that time he had none of the familial wealth to fall back on, but the morality instilled in him, to do the right thing irrespective of the cost, is immensely precious. I love that too.

I don’t begrudge any of them their principles and the consequent costs. What matters in the end is not where you stand on the ladder but what you stand for. That can be from the privilege of a palace, or sewing night and day in a single room to make ends meet. Ultimately, that is true class. 

Which still leaves my daughter’s question to be answered. “What class are we?” the subtext, with the self-centredness of childhood was “What label should I attach to myself?” What I eventually said to her was that it did not matter. If it was important to her she could claim to be descended from great wealth or great hardship. The key was to know the history, to learn from it, to absorb the stories of courage, diligence, frugality, and understand the pitfalls of entitlement, indolence and profligacy. From there she should strike her own path and make good decisions or bad decisions, unencumbered by her ancestors, immediate or distant. She is, after all, the third generation.

END

* The Dyer Lemma is not a thing, I made it up

** Genesis 28:12-14

Find out more about my writing here.

The Healer of Kabul

*

I haven’t shared one of my own stories here for a while. In the light of what is going on in Afghanistan at the moment, and our fears for the rights of women and minorities, I thought I’d share something set in Kabul. It is a bit of action / adventure I wrote for a competition and it tries to look beyond the tropes of terror and insurgency to a more hopeful future. That hope is in pretty short supply right now.

The story got me into the next round of the competition. I hope you enjoy it.

The Healer of Kabul

Hana took a deep breath and steadied her nerves. From across the room Ester gave her a thumbs up.


“This is my signature piece,” Hana said, lifting a creamy bowl decorated with vivid poppies in bloom. She remembered the instruction to smile. “Anti-tank mines have a porcelain liner to make them harder to detect.” She put the bowl down and lifted another, dull beige with a hole in the base to show the original state. “Each liner is hand-painted, with a resin insert to make it watertight.” She gestured to the side. Ester panned the tiny GoPro around to show the display. “You can use them as planters, or for decoration, maybe to serve your favorite sweets. My country has seen so much violence. The reminders of it are everywhere. I hope to take these objects and show my people we can grow beyond war to lives of peace and beauty.”


Ester tapped the GoPro to stop recording. Hana took the opportunity to shrug off her abaya. It was stifling in the tiny shop.


“Perfect,” Ester said, “I’ll splice it together with our other segments. We’ll have your first promotional video ready in no time.” She clipped the little camera around her neck and glanced at her phone. “This is going to be a real success Hana, I can feel it.”


“A success for us both, Ester. We should be partners.”


Ester laughed and reached out to touch Hana’s cheek. “That’s not allowed, my dear. Anyway, no one works for a charity to get rich.”


The door to the tiny room opened, letting the clamor of Kabul’s traffic flood into the room. Ashar popped his head in.


“Finished?” he asked. Hana nodded, trying not to smile as she watched her brother’s eyes swing to Ester, softening in adoration. He was smitten by the tall German woman, even though she was technically old enough to be their mother.


Without shifting his gaze he waved a satchel by its strap. The flap was thrown open. The shop lights glinted off the grenades stuffed inside. “Delivery,” he said. Ashar didn’t have many words in any language, but he was smart enough to use them effectively.


Ester’s eyebrows shot up. “Are those…?”


“Hand grenades,” Hana said. She snapped her fingers to get Ashar’s attention and gestured for him to keep hold of them. He swung back into his seat under the awning in front of the shop.


“Are they safe?”


“This is Kabul,” Hana said, a little surprised that Ester was rattled. The flare of her nostrils gave Hana away, Ester shook her head and laughed. The German worked for a non-profit organization that promoted local artists in some of the world’s most troubled countries. She had an office in the highly protected Green Zone, and while she had arrived in a rickshaw, her armed guards had followed in a dented Pajero and now watched from the tea shop across the road.


Ashar’s shout from outside stalled the conversation. Hana bumped her hip hard on a table corner as she hurried to see, Ester hot on her heels.


A skinny man with a scraggly beard pulled at the strap of the satchel. Ashar tried to keep hold of it. With a yank the thief snatched the satchel, still loaded with its contents, from the boy’s grasp and leapt away onto the back of a waiting motorbike.


“Hey!” Ester yelled. She grabbed Hana’s arm and ran out into the street. A rickshaw idled by the side of the road, the driver squatting beside it, dragging on a cigarette and watching with disinterest. Ester leapt in. Without thinking Hana got in beside her.


“Follow them!”


The driver shrugged and looked away.


Cursing in German, Ester hopped into the driver’s seat thumbing on the GoPro. She stabbed the throttle and the rickshaw lurched away. Hana yelped as she over-balanced, shoulders slamming into the rickshaw’s metal frame. For a few paces the barking driver kept up with them. He reached in and grabbed a handful of Ester’s light headscarf. It fluttered away as they sped off down the little side street.


The motorbike was an aged, sputtering Honda. It hadn’t got far ahead. Ester twisted the handlebars to swing the rickshaw into the stuttering traffic on the main street. Horns blared as the rickshaw tipped on two of its three wheels. Hana threw herself the other way to counterbalance it.


Hundesohn!” Ester swore at the slow-moving traffic and hawkers with wheeled carts. She pumped her palm on the horn.


A gout of diesel smoke from a brightly-colored bus hid the motorbike for a moment. The air cleared. Two men pushing a heavy wooden cart laden with cages blocked the road, stalling the motorbike. The thief and his getaway driver twisted and backed up.


“Hold on,” Ester called over her shoulder.


They careened towards the motorbike. A crash was inevitable. The world slowed. Hana looked into the dark eyes of the thief. Cold, calculating. There was a menace there. Was it a crime of opportunity, or were they targeting her? A woman running her own business in this fiercely patriarchal country. A woman bringing a message of peace with the relics from fifty years of near-constant war.


In those agonizingly slow seconds, she realized this wasn’t about theft, it was about her.


The motorbike leapt away. Ester slammed on the brakes, hurling Hana forward. Hana’s face planted between Ester’s shoulder blades. Ahead of them chickens pecked and shuffled in their cages, entirely unconcerned.


Sheisse.” Ester hauled on the handlebars, manoeuvring around the cart and back into the chase. The road cleared for a few meters. The thief looked back from his pillion seat, held out the satchel and dropped it in the road.


“Stop.” Hana grabbed Ester’s shoulder and jumped from the slowing rickshaw. Her sandal twisted away from her foot. She hopped, jumped and landed on the satchel, smothering it with her body. She counted the seconds, dimly aware of horns blaring, shouts. From somewhere a long way away – Ester’s voice.


The grenades were all meant to be safe. Dismantled, fuses and explosive material removed, then reassembled. But the thief had known her and had dropped the satchel for her to pick up. He could have added a real grenade. She couldn’t allow innocent bystanders to be harmed for a vendetta against her.


Three breaths. Four. Plus the time it took to get to the satchel. If it was an old grenade the chemical fuse could have degraded. Five, six.


“It’s OK. I think we’re safe.” Ester’s shadow fell on Hana. It was brave of her, Hana thought, to come so close. She gripped Ester’s outstretched hand and got to her feet. Hana’s hijab was awry and a crowd of onlookers had gathered, unaware of the potential for mortal peril. She glanced around. They were more interested in the tall blonde woman in jeans and boots who had been driving a rickshaw. There was a beep as Ester switched off the GoPro that still hung around her neck.


Hana slung the satchel over her shoulder. “We’d better take that rickshaw back.”


Business boomed for a while. The promotional material Ester filmed in the shop may have won Hana some international sales, but it was the jerky video of an expletive-laden chase through the streets in a rickshaw that won Hana brief renown. The “Healer of Kabul” – a slightly built, modestly dressed, hijab-wearing young woman became a social media star. Those dignitaries that ventured outside the Green Zone looking for a photo opportunity or a souvenir from the real Afghanistan asked for her by name. Hana smiled and sold them her hand grenade candles and bullet kohl bottles.


Hana’s fame was waning by the time Ester managed to arrange an exhibition of Hana’s painted porcelain in Berlin.
“It seems a terrible risk,” Hana said, as they sipped tea in her small apartment. “You can’t seriously mean to buy all those pieces yourself.”


“The gallery is threatening to pull out and the sponsors are losing interest.” Ester shook her head. “There’s a Rohingya kid in Burma who makes kites that everyone’s gushing over now. That’s just the way of the world. But I believe in what you are doing here, Hana. I want the world to see it properly. I’ll buy the inventory and underwrite the exhibition. Are the crates ready to go?”


“Ashar has been packing everything carefully.” She smiled across at her brother. He’d grown more accustomed to Ester but was still clearly besotted.


For a moment Ester stared into her tea. Lipstick marred the edge of the glass. “I have an appointment with the customs people,” she said. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”


“Ashar, see Ester to her car please, then buy us some bread for dinner.”


Hana tidied while she waited for his return, humming to herself. The fading of her fame did not bother her the way it seemed to bother Ester. Her items still sold enough to make a decent living and Hana felt happy to be independent, able to support herself and look after her brother. For a long time that had been a distant dream. In a way her independence was a greater symbol of Afghanistan’s healing than the art she made.


Ashar was late getting back. He’d probably stopped to watch the local boys play soccer. By the time he wandered home the bread would be stiff and cold. With a sigh Hana readied herself to go and find him, tying on her hijab with practiced efficiency and shrugging into her loose abaya, and checking the deep pockets for all her necessities.
She opened the front door and stopped. Ashar stood in the doorway, his pose still and unnatural. There was a sharp stink. He’d wet himself. Tears stood in his eyes


“Ashar!” she started, angry and upset. He hadn’t done this for years. Then she saw the muzzle of the gun pointed at his ribs.


“Take the boy inside, tie him up and leave him. Someone will find him eventually. It’s the woman we want.” The gunman spoke in heavy, hill tribe Pashtu. She knew those eyes. The grenade thief. Fear rooted her to the spot as a bag went over her head and rough hands tied her wrists together. She stifled her scream into a sob. They had her brother.


Hana gasped as her shins caught on something hard. Someone pushed her into a van. They didn’t travel far, she guessed no more than fifteen minutes of bumping on the uneven roads and stuttering through traffic.


The bag came off in a large spartan room. There were two men. The thief and his getaway driver. Hana’s mind whirled. Why them? Why now?


The room was well lit. Her blood went cold. One wall was adorned with an ISIS flag. She turned around. On a heavy wooden table a GoPro pointed at the flag. The thief untied her hands and gave her a shove.


“On your knees.”


She slumped down. Tears dripped on the black cloth of the abaya. The thief wound a cover over his face, leaving only those cold eyes showing. He ranted a speech to the camera. Hana vaguely registered something about the erosion of values, the disease of liberalism. She couldn’t focus, she knew what was coming. Everyone knew someone who had been lost to war or insurgency. Not third or fourth hand but direct relations, close friends.


She’d made herself a target, the symbol of a different life, the different country Afghanistan could be. She could accept her fate, but who would look after Ashar?


She blinked away tears and stared into the camera. The camera. She knew that GoPro. She’d rehearsed in front of it, the scratches on the casing were etched into her memory.


“Ester,” she said, her voice hoarse.


The ranting thief stopped.


“Ester,” she said again. Clearly this time. Her voice pitched to carry. A shadow crossed the doorway.


“We’ll have to edit that out of course.” Ester stepped into the room. She nodded to the thief who took a couple of steps away from Hana towards the door and stopped, his hand resting on his gun.


“Is this some kind of game? A publicity stunt for the exhibition?” Hana asked, her voice rising as panic gave way to incredulity. She started to get to her feet but the jerk of the muzzle sat her back down again.


“Publicity, yes. But not a game.”


“You can’t be serious. Who are these men? Are they actors?”


Ester dropped to her haunches, eyes almost level with Hana. “Deadly serious, my dear. We had a good run, you and I. But I’m cashing out now. Can you see the headlines? The Healer of Kabul, a martyr for peace. If it’s any consolation your exhibition is guaranteed to be a success.”


“You said no one ever joined a charity to get rich.”


“I won’t be. Just comfortable, without worry.” Ester reached out to touch Hana’s cheek. “I’d need several more like you to be rich.”


Hana jerked away, slipping her hands into her abaya as she did so.


“Kill her,” Ester said to the thief, stepping back.


“Wait.” Hana pulled her hands out of the abaya. In her right hand she held a grenade. In her left, she held the pin.
Ester laughed. “Really? I know all about your grenades.”


“Do you? I want to heal my country Ester. I may dream of a better, peaceful Kabul. But I live in the real one. Do you really think I go about without protection?” The thief was backing away, the driver had his back to the wall and was sidling to the door. “Your henchmen don’t seem too confident.” Hana taunted, rising slowly.


“It’s a bluff. Kill her.”


Hana gave the thief a chill smile and tossed the grenade towards the door. One breath. There was a plink as the lever released and fell away, a pop as the fuse lit. The grenade skittered across the floor stopping just outside the door. Two breaths. Hana was already diving for the table, tipping it as she fell, the GoPro sliding off beside her. Three breaths. Hana’s shoulder hit the floor as she curled and covered her ears. She heard heavy footsteps pounding.


Scheisse.”


The explosion rocked the room, ripping plaster from the walls and ceiling, filling the air with dust. The house groaned, a crash reverberated over the echoes of the blast. A billow of new dust wafted over the edge of the table.


She crawled out into a monochrome world of plaster dust. Ester’s booted foot poked out of the rubble, motionless. A messy pile of spattered blood and shredded cloth was all that was left of the thief. Hana stumbled out of the room. The explosion had torn through the wall of the hallway leaving a gaping hole to the courtyard below.


The driver had made it some way down the hall. The blast had taken him in the back. His handgun lay a little distance away. She picked it up and slipped it into the pocket of her abaya, opposite from Ester’s GoPro.


Kabul was not yet the city she dreamed it could be, and it would take her a while to walk home to her brother.

END

You can find out more about my writing here

* If you’d like to lend me a Kabul streetscene to replace the Karachi scene above get in touch

Letters and the Lost Art of Forgetting

When is the last time you wrote a letter? I mean really wrote a letter; got out the nice paper, put a ruled sheet behind it. Used a proper ink pen. I’ll let you off the paper, maybe a note card; filled, not just Happy Birthday or Wish You Were Here.

I miss it. I miss the ritual. I miss the slowing down. There’s a special type of concentration that comes when you don’t have the facility of ctrl-z. Structure matters, it can’t be imposed later. A train of thought, once started, has to be taken to its conclusion. There is no hiding behind a delete key.

Of course you can start again. As Nanci sang, that’s a bad hand at solitaire, you lie to yourself no one cares. Besides, thoughts once written are real, whether they are sent or simply balled up and sent for recycling.

I miss loving people enough to spend the time writing to them. The investment of me into them, the gift of a reply.

I’ll admit I don’t miss the waiting, much. But there is a pressure that comes with the urgency of emails, and Lord save us, instant messages and chats. Immediacy denies us pause and consideration. In a way it deprives us of our humanity. The amygdala reigns. Write, send, read, write, send in repetition laying bare a visceral self stripped of any higher brain functions.

A letter invites our better selves to step forward. Handwriting betrays hurry, lies, hesitation. Patience and honesty are rewarded on the page.

Most of all a letter allows us to forget, and grants us the privilege of being seen only through the eyes of others. Only politicians and narcissists keep copies of the letters they send. The rest of us entrust our words into the safekeeping of another. What we wrote is lost, there is no scrolling back. The correspondent is a mirror. Imperfect, trusted, external and close. Only in the reply, seen through their lens, filtered through their perception, reshaped by their priorities to do we receive any record of what we wrote.

This is what you said meant to me, is what they tell you. An elevation out of our self regard, feedback on how we made another feel. Not in a guttural, animalistic way, but with all the clarity of the civilised mind.

In our hurry, in our quest for connections, in our surrender to instinct we have lost something of ourselves.

Drop me a line, maybe together we can find it again.

End

You can find out more about my writing here