Cross Cultural Living and the Poppy

I was born in London, and apart from university and a year working away, I have lived my whole life there. My parents were born in India, and moved to Pakistan. If you trace my roots back far enough you will find yourself on the eastern shore of the Arabian Peninsula. I am a Muslim, I am a Shia. I wear a poppy on and around Remembrance Day, and it has never been a dilemma.

I have seen the armed forces of this country, my country; go to war against people who share my faith and my ethnicity. And yet every year I wear a badge proclaiming solidarity with those soldiers, sympathy for their suffering, financial support for their welfare, and it has never been a dilemma.

I bought poppies for my kids because I think they should learn to be part of this tradition.

There is a difference between the execution and accountability for public policy. The boys and girls who go to war are not accountable for the policy, they merely execute it, and whether that is hostile action in Helmand or distributing aid in a disaster zone, they are required to follow their orders. The accountability lies with the politicians who choose to send them.

I believe Tony Blair to be a war criminal, and I would support lawful action that sees him brought on charges to The Hague. But that does not criminalise the people he sent to war, nor does it diminish their courage. Nor does recognising that courage diminish the injustice and the suffering of the people of Iraq and Afghanistan.

With a longer historical lens it is worth remembering that soldiers from the subcontinent were present in both the great wars. They fought and died with as much courage and determination as any other race, creed or colour, and yet their actions are rarely remembered or lauded. I wear the poppy in part for them, because it is shameful for them to be forgotten.

So don’t be surprised that there are two badges on my coat, one proclaiming my Shia Muslim faith, and one my wholesale participation in British life, for I am both.

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Happy New Year

Happy New Year to you all my sisters, friends, lovers and brothers, addicts, hookers, saints and sinners. May the light illumine 2014 for you, and your hearts swell with love for neighbours and strangers alike. Peace and Joy to you all, and Sorrow only in Remembrance. Embrace someone, anyone, when you read this, and give them a kiss from me.

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The Clouds Roll In

The Clouds Roll In

It starts at the very edge of the senses. Beyond the warmth and brightness of a summer’s day, away to west, something changes. The air moves slightly differently over my skin, the hairs on my arms pick up an impending change of pressure.

In the distance the darkness gathers, low along the line of the horizon, growing from a shade, and a haze into something thick and tangible. The sky above is oblivious. The sun continues to shine, the birds are still singing, warmth holds the air in an unflinching embrace.

As the sun dips the clouds spread, calling time on the moments of clarity and comfort. I feel paralysed. I should run, but to the east there is night and to the west would only invite the darkness sooner. The sea bounds the south, desolation the north.

And of course there is a certain appalling, seductive beauty to it. This is no slow encroachment of something vegetative. It is quick and chemical. Ink spilled in water. It roils and curves and has shades and depth all of its own.

The wind is stronger now. The air itself flees ahead, tugging at my flesh and urging me to seek shelter. There is a moment of transition in which I would love to live. To stand naked with half the sky darkened and the sun falling into the cloud bank, lighting it up, as if heaven and hell were at war over the uncertainty of my salvation. The point at which I mean something.

Inevitably the sun loses and the darkness is complete. There are no stars that can pierce the ceiling of water droplets. There is a glow that might be the moon, a highlight that might be the setting reminder of the sun. I am alone, unclothed and unprotected standing in the consequence of my inability to run or hold back the clouds. Prisoner to the spellbinding attraction of the change from light to dark, the desire for sensation and the addiction to risk.

The rain comes. It is no blessing of redemption and cleanliness. It is an assault. Drops fat as pebbles, the depleted and dense remains of something decaying and malevolent. I raise my arms to the sky because every impact, every bruise, every indignity is proof that I live, that I feel.

I wake alone on the hillside, dew drenching my skin. The sun has risen, it is a new day.

END

Tangentially in response to DP: A Brand New You

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The Snap and Flutter of Freedom

3rd round entry for NYC’s Flash Fiction competition. The set up was a romance set in a prison and featuring a flag.

 

The Snap and Flutter of Freedom

 

Cheek rolled the ball of bread, pushing it with his nose.

 

Jowl waited at the edge of the strip of light, until Cheek had delivered his gift. As he stepped back she shuffled forward and nibbled delicately at it.

 

It seemed to Ben the two rats played out their romance just to entertain him. The thin rectangle of light that fell into his cell was a stage on which they measured out their courtship. An inch or two to either side and he would have been blind to it; the scratching of their feet and the brushing of their fur would have been another unknown horror in the dark.

 

He broke another piece of bread and dropped it at the edge of the light. Cheek scampered back to claim it.

 

Sometimes Ben wondered if this was normal behaviour for rats, or just the product of his fevered imagination, a delirium born of pain and darkness.

 

*

 

The Princess had come to him to mend a broken buckle on her saddle. Her face was flushed and hair wild from a gallop; her stride long with the confidence of one who knows the world will bend around her whim.

 

She was his forge made flesh, wild, fiery and radiating a fierce attraction. He was soot stained and sweaty, everything she had never seen: potent, capable and anchored.

 

When she left he laughed at his own drop-jawed infatuation. She looked back twice as she mounted her horse.

 

She returned the next day to thank him, and then to commission new brackets to hang the lamps in her chambers. He drew designs with charcoal on scrap pieces of wood; she leaned close to add details. There was a febrile edge to the burned air from his forge each time their heads drew close.

 

He made her a gift. It was a jeweller’s work, not a smith’s. His thick hands cramped over the delicate effort. Her fine long fingers brushed slowly over the bright metal, a flag brooch. As she took it her hand stayed in his for a moment longer than necessary.

 

She gripped the precious token in one hand and trailed the other over the grimy surfaces of the smithy, then touched her fingers to the pale skin of her neck. Black spots of his world close to her heart.

 

Neither knew enough to fear the detail in the brooch, their nation’s flag, her father’s flag, curled as though it snapped and fluttered in the wind. Inadvertently when shown thus in motion, it was a symbol of rebellion.

 

The brackets were also decorated with the curled flag motif, something they had shyly agreed on. He went to the palace to fit them himself. There was a moment, an intake of breath between heartbeats, when they were alone together and her hand had crept into his. That was how they were found, and his craftsmanship presented as evidence of subversion.

 

He had no stomach for insurgency, but as the guards gripped his wrists, he learned he could not tolerate captivity either. Ben had burst free with the strength of his hard labour only to be felled with a poleaxe. He did not recall the second blow, only her cry that echoed into his imprisonment.

 

*

 

Jowl was dead. Cheek nosed curiously at her lifeless body, trying to rouse her and failing to understand the stillness. He nibbled at the bread as he wondered what to do. His whiskers brushed against Jowl’s whiskers, and then life left him in a single quiet exhalation.

 

Ben watched the two dark forms on their little stage of light, surrounded by a confetti spray of crumbs. He sniffed the remaining hunk of bread on his pewter plate, but his senses were too far dulled to find any hint of addition.

 

He ran his remaining fingers around the edge of the plate, trying to assemble an interpretation. His mind raged against the dullness imposed by his weakened body, but the lethargy wrapped around him like a blanket.

 

There was an imperfection in the plate, a scratch under the rim. Ben dismissed it as damage or apprentice work, but it drew his fingers again and again. The ache in his hands reminded him of the flag brooch. He had made it snap and flutter in the breeze to mimic her windblown hair the first time he had seen her. Perhaps this was a crudely scratched image curled like their flag, the symbol of their love, and coincidentally the symbol of rebellion.

 

He heard a distant bell, out of sequence, out of time. He counted the uneven cadence; a royal death. For whom did it toll? His eyes fell on Cheek and Jowl. The Princess had gone before him. Her father had finally sentenced him to death, and she had gone before. Perhaps the bread was her last gift to him.

 

Or perhaps the bread was from the King, a mercy on his daughter so she would not see her lover hanged, and the bells tolled only in his head. In the end it did not matter. She was a princess and he was no longer a blacksmith, but a broken, wretched thing.

 

He broke off a piece and put it to his lips.

 

*

 

Silence was a heavy shroud over the royal bedchamber. When she rose from her father’s side it was with a confusion of sorrow and relief. She summoned a scribe to write a pardon and the captain of the guard to release her love.

 

She played with the brooch, the snapping fluttering symbol of the freedom she had been denied and would now claim. The captain’s returning step at the door of her chambers was heavy and slow. The stem of the brooch pierced her finger. Her chin dropped, resting where she had once marked herself with soot.

 

Her dream snapped and fluttered free for a moment, released from her father’s cruel edict, only to be lost on the wind.

 

END

 

If you are interested in more of my writing please check out my book: Image and Other Stories

No Son of Mine

My second round story in this years NYC Midnight Flash Fiction Competition – for the edification of fellow NYCers and the enjoyment of all. This version is as submitted, with no further edits, I’ll post the feedback when it comes in.

 

The set up was a Crime Caper involving a waterfall and a toothbrush, with a 1000 word limit.

 

 

No Son of Mine

 Stolen gems and exploding plumbing bring an estranged father and son back together.

 

 

 

No Son of Mine

 

Five years had passed since I had last seen Dad this close up. I’d seen him from a distance of course: on the news the day he was arrested, across the courtroom during his trial, and from the street outside when they bundled him into the van to put him behind bars.

 

The judge had made parole conditional on Dad giving up his stash of stolen cash and gems. Dad knew he could never enjoy it, that when he did eventually get out every step would be dogged by police and villains alike, but he wouldn’t give it up.

 

The last time we were together he had disowned me. The hurt from his words “You’re no son of mine” echoed down the years. Papers had flown behind the words. They held my entry details to university to study Chemical Engineering. I had to get on my knees to gather them as they drifted to the floor rather than make a dignified exit. On a neat pile on the kitchen table was the other offer letter, the one I wouldn’t be taking up: law school. We stopped talking that day. A week later I went to university and that was it.

 

Mum had backed me. Dad always said she spoiled me, that her indulgence would be the ruin of us all. Not his thieving, not his lust for danger, not his disregard for other people’s property. Mum told me to give him time, Dad would come round.

 

Dad used to say I had inherited his intelligence, the fine analytical mind that saw possibilities where others only saw problems. He’d wanted that mind trained as a lawyer to save him from prison. He knew he’d get caught one day, and that with the swathe he had cut through the rich and powerful there was not a lawyer who would give him a fair run at a defence.

 

If Dad was clever, Mum was wise. “I know your old man, I know him better than he knows himself” she told me, “And there’s nothing that will stop them locking him up, so follow your heart son.” Of course she was devilish clever too, which we would only appreciate years later.

 

True enough here he was in jail and I was talking to him through an inch of glass.

 

“How are you?”

 

“OK. I don’t cause trouble so they’ve given me some privileges.”

 

“I heard. I brought you some things.” I gestured to the guard who was making his way through the security doors with a cardboard box. There was a woven blanket inside, a couple of books, and a toothbrush. The guard had checked everything without comment.

 

“So what are you up to these days?”

 

“Plumbing.”

 

He sat back in his chair in shock. “Plumbing? You spent three years in university to become a pipe strangler?” He sighed. “You could have been anything you wanted.” Fortunately the box landed beside him to stop a reprise of our last argument.

 

Dad picked the toothbrush out of the box. Turning it over in his hands, thinking about the last time he had seen it. I’d retrieved it from Mum’s old house on Statton Street, the one we never went to after her father died, which was slowly falling into disrepair and dereliction. It turned out Dad had been there frequently.

 

“It was all about plumbing in the end.” I explained. He looked at the toothbrush for a long time before he looked up. I think the wetness in his eyes was pride; everyone had looked, but I had found his stash. “It’s all about plumbing now as well,” I went on. “I’ve marked some passages in the books that you should read.”

 

When I left they let him carry the box back to his cell.

 

*                                        *                                  *

 

The old thrill was back when I walked to my cell. I dropped on the steel bed and put my feet up. In the box were two John Grisham novels. The cheeky sod had given me books about lawyers. They both smelled odd.

 

The cipher was a simple one and I read through his instructions carefully before I sat up. There was a nylon filament in the thick wool of the blanket. I began unravelling.

 

After lights out I took the pages I had carefully torn from the books. The first pair were slapped on the wall with a little water. My prison issue sheets went over my mouth as smoke rose in stinking puffs. My regular blanket was draped over the bars of my cell so the smoke would not escape and trigger the smoke alarms.

 

When the smoke died down a little I could see a small hole. A few swift kicks on the weakened mortar exposed the cavity between the walls. A thick water pipe ran up the cavity to the storage tanks on the roof. A second pair of papers did for the outside wall. I kicked the bricks out of that too before playing out the filament and wrapping the sheets round it to protect my hands.

 

I slipped the toothbrush into my pocket and wriggled feet first out of the two holes in the walls. All about plumbing he’d said, and how could I resist? I stuck all the remaining pages to the pipe on the side facing into the prison.

 

It erupted when I was halfway down the wall, and the shockwave nearly made me lose my grip. I held on, imagining the full force of water in the six inch pipe sweeping through my cell. I had been on level three; it would be pouring through the bars and arcing across the atrium. A waterfall as my parting gift, and chaos to cover my escape. As I dropped to the ground a car engine started nearby and an old BMW rolled up.

 

I sat down in the passenger seat and smiled at my boy. “Plumbing, eh?”

 

“Plumbing,” he replied.

 

“Well, lucky for me you’re your mother’s son.”

 

End

If you are interested in more of my writing please check out my book: Image and Other Stories

 

Aside

DP: Haiku

Daily Prompt on Haiku, one for each of five days:

 

mon

alarm ringing change

dawn, the sabbatical ends

for sleep leaden eyes

 

tues

rise coffee phoenix!

drowsy afternoon ashes

reincarnation

 

weds

packed trains, laden minds

blank faced in contemplation

filing our regrets

 

thurs

work hard, get married

buy a house, and buy a car

have kids, have kids. die

 

fri

i tie my own chains

freedom embraced in farewell

a wage slave again

 

END

 

If you are interested in more of my writing please check out my book: Image and Other Stories

The Unbearable Attraction of Edges

Edges fascinate me.Gravity increases exponentially as I approach. A siren sings “here I am, here I am, let me enfold you.” As I am sucked towards that promise, the lights of the train can be seen down the tunnel. The direct, inviting gaze of the prostitute across the bar, and for a moment I think she may be interested in more than my wallet. There is a dream it would be so easy to fall into.

And then there is noise, an alarm bell of rattling metal and squeaking brakes, the oiled bearings of sliding doors. The moment ends as I scan the carriage for a seat or step aside to let people disembark.

I am scared of falling in the same way we all are. We’re wired to react to the sensation. But I also love the exhilaration of falling. I’m not scared of heights because I might fall, but because I might jump. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not suicidal, but which one of us has not succumbed in the moment of temptation to the transitory pleasure of something wrong? And if the ground or the track or the train should provide an instantaneous dash of sobriety, so be it.

Of course the fact I am writing this is the proof of my self control. Beatification is merely a matter of time.

And so back to the edge, and its terrible fascination. Fear is in that heady brew, and I hate the thought of being under the sway of something so weak as fear. My rational mind understands the inverse square law and the properties of concrete and that there is no danger in stepping right up to the painted line. So I thumb my nose at the fear and find myself at the precipice. My conscience says the rational is just an excuse, you came to the bar to hear the song and look into the eyes, and it is right.

I used to work at Kings Cross, that most frustrating of stations which is the confluence of out of town commuters, tube travellers, football fans and tourists. All moving to different speeds and demands and levels of understanding of where the hell they’re going, and in the midst of it all I just wanted to get home.

Worst of all, in the noise and the brownian motion of humanity I could not hear the song or see the hooker.

I took to walking two, then three stops homewards before getting on the tube. It was a good workout, 3 miles every evening walked briskly. It meant that as the quieter station swallowed me I had processed the day into leaky Tupperware boxes and stacked them away in the fridge of my mind. It meant the kids got Dad, not performance appraisals. I lost weight, got fitter and healthier.

It also meant I would be alone on the platform at Tufnell Park, with all the clatter and noise in my head stacked and packed and silenced. The siren would sing and I was the only one to hear her, and the whore would turn her smokey eyes my way and I would get up and walk to edge and think about buying her a drink.

Every day the song became more compelling and the eyes more attractive. Sometimes the only way to avoid temptation is to not go where you might be tempted. I left that job because it might have been the death of me.

The lyrics quoted at the top are from “Song to the Siren” by Tim Buckley, covered hauntingly by This Mortal Coil. That doesn’t mean anything, it is just a coincidence.

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photo taken at Goodge Street, not Tufnell Park.

END

If you are interested in more of my writing please check out my book: Image and Other Stories